My son hates me | Support Your Vet

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Posted: Tue, 07/20/2010 - 07:29

#6

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Joined: 04/15/2010

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Posted: Fri, 09/18/2009 - 13:01

#7

tikanie4004

Joined: 09/18/2009

I'm so sorry for the loss

I'm so sorry for the loss you've had to deal with! I think you're right... Sounds to me that your son has been tackled by terrors of PTSD!!! Is there anyone in yours or your sons life still that he could talk to?? Maybe the pastor from your church could make a stop by his house and try to talk to him! Since, he won't have any contact with you... Is there anyone else that could just give him a swift kick back into reality??

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Posted: Thu, 09/17/2009 - 22:53

#8

Annette

Joined: 12/19/2008

I feel your pain. I have been

I feel your pain. I have been there with my husband. When he came home, he blamed me for everything. I was out to get him, I wanted to control him. Which drove us apart. He was injured and I have had to fight for everything that he has gotten. He told people lies about me. Now 4 1/2 yrs later, Things are finally starting to settle down between us. He knows that what I did I did to help him. He listened to other people and honestly they are toxic to him and his recovery.It was a very hard and painful journey. My advice is keep trying.Don't give up. Call the VA hotline and talk to someone. Keep the lines of communication open on your end. There will be a day that he will need you. Pray, Fast, and Pray some more. That is what got me through and still gets me through those days when I just don't think I can take another day of the anger and outbursts.

I wish I could tell you this would happen overnight, but I won't because this will be a long journey, one that will change your life forever. It is so hard to stand and watch your loved one go through things that happen, but looking back and realizing that the day my husband got injured, changed the man I married and now I have to live with a stranger and learn to love a different person. This war has changed our loved ones forever and as they go through their pain, we go through our own kind of loss and pain. My prayers are with you. and my heart aches for you. Have faith that hopefully with a little time things will work out. I kept a journal and that helped me. But for your own well being seek guidance and support. Talk to someone. Reach out and talk to someone that will listen and not judge the issue but just listen. I am here, if you want to talk. Much love to you. Annette

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Posted: Thu, 09/17/2009 - 20:53

#9

walneylass

Joined: 09/17/2009

My son hates me.

Shotze: I know exactly what you mean. My son was also part of the unit that came down in the helo crash, January 2005. My oldest son had already been injured so he wasn't in the crash, However he lost 5 of his best friend in that crash. My other sons' unit was a first responder to the incident.
Has your son had any type of counseling? The Iraq was has has a terrible effect on so many of our young people. It's possible your son is suffering from surviver guilt, in the fact that he didn't lose his life that fateful day. Is it possible to get through to him somehow & convince him to go to the VA & get some help. There are many others out there with the same issues, if they could be gotten together, returned military find it easier to talk to one another, than to talk to what is considered "outsiders" I spent 15 months + at Walter ReedArmy Hospital with my son, many of the other young men & women would talk to me but my son wouldn't. You have a seperate issue with the medical problems yourDAL has & that is probably effecting him also.

Try calling the VA in your Area & see what they suggest. I would love to talk to you one on one if you like, your son may knbow my son ect.

Take care & my prayersare with you.

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Posted: Thu, 09/17/2009 - 19:50

#10

Vietnam Vet

Joined: 09/14/2009

Time and patience.

Sounds like he is in the self-punishment he thinks he deserves for what he did or was responsible for while in the service... since he is not getting punished by any other source here at home. This is the 'moral' aspect of PTS, the aspect that is most overlooked and least understood.

I too, pushed everyone away, as I went on my own self-destructive course... and no one could stop me!!! However, my family was there when the 'punishment' came, and saw me through to get me back to what I was before going in. They did not say a lot, they were just always 'available' IF I sought them. It took me some 4-5 years, 3 of heavy punishment, before I felt the debt was payed and I could get back to normal living. Not that it will ever be able to be payed, but it will become more 'bearable' to live with. Yes, it still festers the wound even yet (40+ years later), but the scab allows one to live again, the bleeding has stopped. It is good you are praying, I believe my family was too. To put it simply, he needs a spanking... but is too old to get one, so it becomes self-induced.

Do not think he doesn't love you anymore, it's a worthy issue with him that is deeper then he himself understands now, and the more military praise he gets, the worse it becomes... he would rather ignore it and try diversion, as he is doing. But, it will not let go! It's an anchor that he will not be able to release until he feels he has been punished enough. Also, church does not work either, as they tend to thank the vet for their service to the country... rather then punish for what one was forced to do, or was involved in in the process of that service.

If one does in this country what they did 'over there', they would go to jail for it... then why does one get a 'hero's' welcome when getting back? Unless they do as your son did, and not want one!

Time and patience are needed by onlookers, and prayers by those concerned. Even if I was the one going through it then, that family 'empathy' was tough for me to see... so, I got out of sight. Funny thing though, I found out that that empathy seemed to know things had happened, don't know what frequency that rides on, but it works in both directions.

I hope he finds his way out without toooo many wounds to deal with after.

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