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A military deployment affects everyone.

Chris Roberts, the father of a veteran, describes his life during his son's deployment:

"I realized after a time that when my son went to war it was like I put on a heavy chain mail suit. That no matter how bright the day or joyous the event there was a cold heavy weight on my heart and my mind."

While Veterans adjust to life in a combat zone, friends and family members back home learn to live their lives without their spouse, parent, or friend. Changes in family and friendships are a necessity, and it's normal for people to feel unsure of how to resume their former roles after all these changes.

Learn how a deployment impacts some common relationship dynamics.

Decision Making

When a service member is deployed, family and friends at home must learn how to make decisions on their own. Spouses who learn to handle all of the responsibilities alone may find it hard to re-involve their loved one in everyday household matters when they return. Veterans may also find it difficult because they feel disconnected from the family and home and may no longer be used to making decisions with this team.

Suggestion: Be patient. It's important to talk to your loved one, but you may want to save discussing chores and schedules for the first few days. Give them a chance to relax and decompress, and give yourself a chance to get used to having them back. When you're both ready, talk about how you're feeling. Understand that they may not be comfortable talking about some of their experiences or wounded or killed friends. Not sure where to start? Get tips for starting the conversation.

Marital Stress

When a Veteran comes home, it's normal for couples to experience a period of awkward emotional distance and strained intimacy. You may want to jump back into your old relationship, but your loved one may have a hard time showing emotions and expressing feelings. You may miss having the bed all to yourself, and your spouse may be disappointed to learn that you've coped so well in their absence.

Suggestion: Take your time. Remind your spouse that they're an essential part of the family. Tell them that it doesn't mean you aren't thrilled to have them back home just because you functioned without them and long to use both pillows again. Take your time, talk about it, and ease back into all aspects of your relationship slowly. Unfortunately, in some cases, marital stress can lead to emotional or physical abuse. If this happens, for the sake of your family and your loved one, get help immediately.

Job Issues

Your friend or family member may experience some job-related issues when they come home. Their commander may be new. You may have moved to a new place. They may have injuries that make working difficult. A civilian job may have changed during their deployment, or they may be entering the civilian workforce for the first time.

Suggestion: Talk to your loved one about their worries or concerns. Help them find supportive resources at the VA, a local base, or from a local Veterans group. Encourage them to talk to fellow veterans. Tell them about www.CommunityofVeterans.org, where they can join our exclusive community and connect with other veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Make it a team effort, just like when they were deployed. If you don't know what to do or if you feel that your loved one needs outside assistance, get help.

Learn more about the transition home:

• Returning from the War Zone: A Guide for Families of Military Members (PDF)
• Homecoming Preparedness for Veterans and Families
• Homecoming After Deployment: Tips for Reunion