Cara Hammer
Submitted by Cara Hammer on Sat, 11/08/2008 - 00:36
I was stationed in Germany when I was redeployed from Iraq; we got off a C-130 from Ballad and were greeted on the tarmac by three Vietnam vets. These three guys were so happy to see us, one would have thought they were waiting for us the entire year to return. They had food for us, hugs, and well wishes for our return. They mentioned later that they were determined to have each individual soldier know their service was appreciated and not in vein. It’s amazing how a stranger can genuinely care and make such a big impact on you at a time when you’re not even aware that you needed it.
When we arrived to our barracks, a tent was set up for a small welcome home ceremony where family members were reunited with their soldiers. The ceremony was overdramatic and just a show for those who had loved ones in attendance. For most of us who didn’t have anyone to come home to, we saw it as an obstacle between us getting on with our lives. I remember standing at parade rest, trying to figure out which was worse, war? Or being forced to be apart of that ceremony?
What were your first thoughts when you came home after serving?
After moving back to the US, I realized that nobody had any idea what was going on over there! I could’ve cared less who supported the war and who didn’t, but I couldn’t stand all the complaining and complacency I would see anywhere I went. The mind set of the average American made me angry. I swore I would never take anything for granted again.
What challenges did you face when you came home?
Feelings of depression, anger guilt, shame. I was so disconnected to everyone I love, and everything that I was looking forward to getting back to. I didn’t fit in; I was a fish out of water. I didn’t have anyone to share with that would get me, I didn’t know anyone else who had served and I didn’t have anybody to talk about things with.
How did you work through them?
The transition was really hard for me. I have a really close group of 5 friends, and thank god for them and my family too. I have no idea what they thought of me during that time. I was defiantly a different version of myself, dark, angry, quite, awkward. I was dealing with so much, most of which I didn’t share with anyone, nor did I realize fully what was happening to me. My friends could have very easily detached themselves from me, but they stood by me and they never let me slip, which I could have very easily.
They made me feel like the world stopped while I was gone, (which was far from the truth, a couple of my friends had even gotten married). They went out of their way to do things for me, to make me feel at home, they included me like nothing had changed.
Now, I am far from healed but I am in a much better place. It has been three years and I think back at the person I was and I am so thankful I made it out of that. My friends and family are responsible for my coming out of my “dark period”.
Thank you for your service
My daughter was stationed in Germany she is in the Army, she was deployed to Afganistan on Feb 2008, she returned to Germany in April 2009, she got married at the age of 21, I just met her husband a couple of weeks ago. Now she seems to not know what she wants, she has been distant and since she is back in Germany and on July 20th 09 will be stationed in Alabama. I have never seen her so disconnected from me and I am really not sure how to help her. Do you have any advice on how to help her? Thank you again for your service and the sacrifices you and your family made to serve our country. God bless you
Thank You.....
Thank you for your service to our country Cara.......I am a United States Army Veteran and 10% service connected disabled for depression. I want you to know I went through so much when I came home, it was unbelieveable. My husband left me, I was taking all types of medication, drinking and smoking trying to numb the pain I was feeling. My life was spinning out of control fast, and I didn't feel my family understood me and my experience enough to catch me. I want to encourage you to stay close to true friends, stay close to your family, if you attend church, reach out to someone there. Support is key in you making it through this time. God Bless you. My prayers are with you as well as all soldiers. Be encouraged my friend.I support you!!!
Check out: NATIONAL WOMEN VETERANS UNITED
P.O. BOX 20149
CHICAGO,IL 60620
(312) 458-9130
www.nwvu.org
We are a band of sisters who support each other, and it's wonderful.
Thanks,
Bianca Clayborne
I need some advice from another female
My husband is turning to another female soldier to talk to. That is what it started out as. Now it has become more. He says she can give him the things that I can't. He means the fact that she has been to Iraq and I have not. We have been together for 10 years and married for 6. i have supported his military career every step of the way. How can I talk to him in such a way that he wont blow up at me. I don't want our life together to end because of another woman/soldier. We have two daughters together. Please help.
Thank You Cara..
for serving our country! Cara, in reading what you wrote about no one here in the U.S. knowing what was going on, speaking for myself and others I know... what you said is so true, but not because that's how any of us have wanted it here, many Americans spend a lot of time trying to find out current news and what's happening in Iraq & Afghanistan on our own because we do care and we do want to know. The ONLY reason I can think of that many Americans are uninformed is because that is what we have had to put up with as a result of the restrictions put on reporting by the media, restrictions placed by our last President & his Admin., I am very fed up with that as it's nothing more than censorship. I had no idea that the NATO Hdqtrs. in Kabul had a big hole in it becuase it was hit or car bombs or why 3 helicopters went down in what 10 days? Nor half of what was going on there as an example all because at that time (2 yrs. ago) nothing was being reported by the media. I found out from my family member who for the first time in 22 yrs. of serving in the Army was fed up and wanted out, never ever speaking a negative word before that, he was beyond fed up when he realized that we were not being told here in the U.S. what was going on over there. Honestly so little was reported that if I had shared what I had learned at that time, no one would have believed me.
Hey Cara, Welcome Home & Thank You from my heart for Serving!
Thank You Cara
Keep talking with your friends Cara. You are doing well to have come this far in 3 years. Time will mellow out your feelings if you can hang on. As a WW !! Vet I have great empathy for you. The Iraq/Afghan theatre reminds me of Iwo Jima in that you were always under attack from unknown areas and unseen enemy. It was kill or be killed. The love of your family will sustain you. Good Bless!
You Didn't Know
Cara. I love your line about support having an "impact on you at a time when you’re not even aware that you needed it." I'm not a veteran. I'm just...older. That comment calls people to provide help "even if they are not sure what good it will do". So often, we don't reach out because we just don't know how. Thank you for your patience and for sharing and your service.
Thanks
Thanks for everything that YOU and EVERY OTHER SOLDIER have done for us, Americans. Your service is appreciated and never goes unnoticed in my eyes. Thank you...
Thank You
Thank you so very much for fighting for my freedom. I truely believe the war in Iraq is a good cause. My thanks and prayers go out to all the soldiers who are away from home.
Thank You
Thank you Cara Hammer and every other soldier that has down such a unselfish act of fighting for our country and risking your own lives for us. You truly are our heros. I wish you well in your healing and transition. I am sure it must be hard when others do not understand what you have gone through. Just remember you are loved by your family and friends, who obviously stand behind you. God Bless you.