Jennifer Burris
Submitted by Jennifer Burris on Sat, 11/08/2008 - 01:16
Army vet. I married him right after his first return from Iraq, and I've been married to him through his second deployment to Iraq, including his getting medevaced home with combat damage--thankfully not as severe as some.
Being a spouse of a deployed soldier isn't easy. Having had someone else to help with things, learning to do absolutely everything on my own took a whole new field of experience--one I hadn't had to use for a lot of years. Then there's the constant worrying, the stress, the thought that this next phone call could be the worst one I'll ever hear...you spend the whole duration of their deployment in a high-stress state.
On top of that, once they come home, you can't just hug them, kiss them, and then everything go back to normal. Hell, no. For one, you've gotten so used to being the only voice of authority for things that just learning to let someone else do things can be the hardest thing you do. Not to mention their own demons and nightmares--we can't forget that what they tell us happened is only the tip of the iceberg. There's a lot more they didn't--they CAN'T--tell us about, whether for opsec or for mental reasons. Hell, I know if I went over there, I sure as hell wouldn't want to relive it, even just to tell someone else about it.
On top of that, if your soldier comes back wounded...that's another added dimension. You fret constantly about whether the Army will decide he (or she) isn't worth the time it'll take for them to recover. You worry about how their wounds could've been so much worse--trust me, people. Whenever someone tells me 'it could've been worse!' I want to smack the crap out of them, because I KNOW it could've bee worse--I've IMAGINED it. I've PICTURED it. I've built up a whole year-long scenario in my mind about what I would've done if it HAD been a lot worse! One of the worst things you can tell a combat veteran's spouse is 'it could've been a lot worse'. A lot of us will just haul off and deck you one.
Added onto all that is the care you have to exercise, in both word and deed, to not remind your vet of things they did or saw over there...and the times when the best thing you can do for them is to just leave them completely alone, and knowing when being alone is the worst thing for them at that time. It's a fine balancing act, and it's almost as stressful as your soldier being over there, out of your reach. I swear, half the time, I wanted him home just so I could wrap him up in cotton, store him on a high shelf, and keep him from all harm...and the hardest thing I could do was know that I couldn't.
شات كتابي شات دردشة شات
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دليل المواقع
شاتات - دردشات
مواقع ادبية
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مواقع عامة
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Jennifer Burris
You are one tough lady, you HAVE to be to be a military wife. I was a Marine wife for almost 20 years, so have been there, done that. Started at MCRD San Diego in 1968 to present (hubby is retired now).
Viet Nam was much different, sometimes you went a month or more without hearing from him, and that was before email.....those days the snails were sooooooo slow ! Then son joined the Marines, Arabic translator, and if I thought beging a spouse of a deployed Marine was hard, let me tell you that was nothing compared to sending your child off to war.
You break down in tears where ever and when ever, want to slap the (&*&^* out of people who tell you to get a grip, or what did he expect would happen when he joined..........You run scared 24/7, you sleep with your cell phone (he normally called about 3am) you shower with it as close as it can be, in other words it becomes your very best friend. lol When you do get that call from him, you keep the fear out of your voice, NO tears, just all the love and support you can send to him until you hang up the phone and then you fall apart. You are scared to death when you see someone in uniform in your neighborhood, strange cars going slow ect.
Have a tee shirt that says "My son is fighting in Iraq so yours can party at college" oh, it has ticked off a few people, don't care, he did, they did not.
The very best part of the entire tour was the end !! Got the call Friday afternoon that IF I wanted to see them come home I had to get my tail to K-Bay Hawaii by 0500 Monday........nooooooooo super saver here to be sure, long flight from Alabama, did not care....think the ENTIRE airport knew he was on his way home. Got there Sunday night, other son who lives in Pearl City picked me up, I bounced off the walls for the next few hours and then we were on our way to K-Bay (45 min drive) well, the plane all told was only about 6 hours late, there is a very deep rut in front of the hangar, ( I paced back and forth for 6 hours) and then, you look up in the sky and that beautiful silver bird is coming in to land..........I had the HONOR of watching 107 of America's finest come home to family, friends and loved ones. He was the 3rd off the plane, tired, skinny and had a haunted look about him and mentally he was still in Iraq, but he was home, he was safe, and if I could have, I would counted all fingers and toes as I did when they first gave him to me when he was born.
I guess you have to have walked in our shoes before others understand, I am so thankfull for the wonderful man that I have, he was my support the entire time, he understood the stress, never did he complain about the 3 am calls or the tears afterwards. This is his stepson but he is father in everyway there is.
Jennifer you are one of the few that have the guts to do this, it is tough but you are not alone, there is a wonderful family out there that will embrace you. Hope hubby has gotten the help he needs and has more than earned. God Bless you both and THANK YOU BOTH for serving this wonderful country of ours. Carol
Jennifer Burris
Wow Jennifer. You have alot to deal with. I am sorry you are so young and it must be terrible for you and your husband to contend with. Hopefully soon your husband can get the necessary treatment for his PTSD and you can also have someone to talk too. It's no wonder so many marriages dissolve. You need to find peace and solitude too. I hope the best for you and your husband. God Bless you, Jeri
Story
Hi, I'm with a veterans organization that is interested in doing some stories with the media on what it's like to be a spouse of a deployed soldier. Is that something you could help with? Thanks.
David
Story
Hi, I'm with a veterans organization that is interested in doing some stories with the media on what it's like to be a spouse of a deployed soldier. Is that something you could help with? Thanks.
David