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Are you a friend or family member preparing for the homecoming of a vet and wondering what you should say or ask when you see them? Is your loved one already home and you're finding it hard to talk to them like you used to? Are you noticing some troubling behavior that you want to address but aren't sure how?

It's natural to be unsure about what to say to a Veteran returning from active duty. Or to one who's been home for a while but may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or a traumatic brain injury. You don't want to bring up painful memories, but this person is close to you and you care about them.

It's important to talk to your loved one early and often. Keeping the lines of communication open can help you to reconnect and overcome homecoming jitters. It can also make it easy for you to talk about problems and get help, should the need arise.

Below are some tips to help you start the conversation and keep it going as you help your friend or family member transition to civilian life.

Keep conversations light.

Your friend or family member is probably stressed and exhausted, so hold off on the tough conversations for the first few days and give them time to relax and readjust to a different way of life. But don't keep silent for too long. Conversations, big and small, are important. They help you to reconnect, and they're a source of strength and security while your loved one readjusts to civilian life.

Take the lead.

Start conversations with open-ended questions or statements like "Do you want to talk about it?" and "How are you?" Talk about how you're feeling and doing. Tell your friend or family member how much you love them and how happy you are to have them home. Don't worry if conversations are one-sided. Your loved one may not want to talk right away. Encourage them to talk to other vets or visit CommunityofVeterans.org.

Acknowledge the "elephant in the room."

Tell your loved one that you understand that things will be tough for a while, and offer to help and be there for them whenever they need it. Avoid saying things like "I understand how you feel" and "Everything will be alright." You want your friend or family member to know that you'll get through the transition period and anything that comes after together, even if things aren't okay right now.

Understand what they want.

Before you jump back into the life you had before the deployment, ask your loved one what they want to do, how they want to handle things, and how they'd like to be involved. Offer to let them take the lead. Ask if they want a big homecoming party, if they're ready to talk, and what they'd like to do around the house now that they're back. Ask what you can do to help. Respect their wishes, and avoid giving advice unless asked.

Listen.

When your friend or family member is ready to talk, be ready to listen. Let them talk about what happened, how they're feeling, and what they'd like to do. Pay attention, and don't interrupt. Avoid reacting negatively---you want your loved one to know that they can talk without you judging them. Get help if your friend or family member says something that concerns you or tells you they're struggling with an injury or substance abuse problem.

Be encouraging.

Your loved one may be upset or depressed over something that happened during their deployment. They may feel that they didn't do enough or that they let their company down. Help them to be positive by asking about the good things that happened during their deployment, and encourage them to focus on the future. If they can't seem to shake how they're feeling, encourage them to move forward by asking, "Okay, what can we do about that problem?"

Encourage them to talk to others.

You want your loved one to talk to you so that you can rebuild your family or friendship. If this doesn't happen, encourage them to talk to someone who understands what it's like to be deployed and come home. Many veterans prefer to talk to other veterans. Tell them about CommunityofVeterans.org where they can connect with other veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Let them know that this is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. They can help themselves and countless others, just like they did during their deployment.

These tips may help you to start or continue a conversation with your friend or family member. If you, your family, or your loved one are struggling to adjust to life back home or you're dealing with problems like escalating anger or physical violence, it may be time to speak to a health care professional or a chaplain, or to take advantage of a military outreach program.