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don't know what to think
I hope someone can help me! I met a friend online 6 mos ago, who was serving in Iraq, and served 18 months over there...Due to come home in 3 mos, after we met.We used to talk frequently, and I sent tons of songs, and funny/light forwards, to try to cheer them up.I am gay, anf they also let me know they were as well.We had great conversations on ym , and emails .Then, they came home.We hardly ever talk now, and they told me they were having a very hard time adapting, sleeping, as it was ""too quiet"", and that they didn't want to talk to anyone for 30 days..I, unfortunately , did send a few emails, asking why they were blowing me off, and if they wanted me out of their life, just tell me, and I'd walk away.Their response, in short, was to stop, and chill out, and when things got ""taken care of, and away from them, they would get in touch with me""I really care deeply for this person, but I don't know what to do.Please, ANY advice is appreciated, as I don't want to lose them!Thank u.
give them time
From what I have experienced with my husband coming home from Iraq in 2006, the only thing you can do is give them the time they need. They have been through hell and back and it's not getting any easier here. If and when they are ready they will let you know. Take care
PTSD
I have an ex who served in Vietnam who has PTSD. He had a short fuse also. He went thru an awesome program In Denver, Co. in the V.A. hospital. My children and I were also treated. I suggest when that he get immediate treatment and that you push for that. I also suggest that counsel you and people who have close contact with them. It helped our whole family. PTSD affects ALL who live with them. I pray you get in touch with the V.A. hospital closest to you. Read Psalm 91. Vicki Martin vickster195@yahoo.com
Hello!! I have a son in
Hello!! I have a son in Afganistan now. This is his second tour and glad to say his last! I joined this forum for the same reason that you did. I need to try and understand how to communicate with him. He has been out on missions alot and when I do hear from him,he is either exhaused or really pretty good. I know that he is seeing alot and has done alot,and it is very hard for a mother to know what to say. I am hoping by reading other stories, I can learn how to treat some of his comments and how to understand him better. He is NOT the son that I once had!!! Has become such a strong man and I could NEVER be any prouder of him.
Wounded Vet coming home to Walter Reed on July 19
I live in a very small town of only 2400. It was just Saturday that the nearest big city told this soldiers story. Being from the era that has the return of the Nam vets burned into my soul forever, I will do everything I can to help those who have served. I am just an grandma. I do not know this boy. I know only that he gave up a college scholarship in football to enlist. During his 4th tour he was hit with an IED. He is being flown to Walter Reed on Sunday. His entire family cannot afford to go to see him. Had the paper printed the story earlier, I know the town would have done something to help out.
All his mother ask was for people to send emails. I belong to a lot of online sites devoted to our military and to bringing back our America. I posted his story and have been swamped. The link to his email is not working from the site and everyone was angry that I had not posted his rank. I finally pointed that in my post I had expressed my RAGE that his rank was never given!
I don't know how to find this young man. He is coming in from Iraq. He is in the Army. His name is Adam Palmer. His mom, dad, and wife will be at the hospital.. He has a 3 month old daughter. He has a kid brother who could not afford to make the trip! GGGRRR!
If someone could please, please tell me how to find out his rank and how to verify that the paper printed the right email address. No one is expecting replies. They understand he cannot type.
Any help would be appreciated.
I just joined to find this young man. I am not sure how this works. I will check back here tomorrow or you can email me at bethaltman@windstream.net This is the first time I have left my real name - it is that important to me.
Thank you for any help you can give me!
My brother has PTSD.
Hi. My brother is a Marine and has had 2 tours in Iraq, one in 2006 and another in 2007. After his second tour my family and I noticed a dramatic change in his behavior. It went as far as admitting him to the hospital for a psychological evaluation. He was diagnosed with PTSD but he has not recieved any treatment. He has a short fuse, and if we bring up anything like his financial problem (he spends more than what he has), he always says he can take care of that with his life insurance. So of course we drop the subject. He has 2 daughters and a son on the way, and is not the kind of father that I know he could be. It is really sad to see this. Every day is always different and I really don't know what kind of mood he will be in, sometimes he will be happy for his family and life, and other times he hates everything and everyone around him and thinks his only option is to go back to Iraq. He is currently in the reserves but wants to go back active. If he does go back active he would be deploying in November. I really don't know what else I can say to him because he hates being told anything. My family and I don't want him to deploy without getting help but at the same time we don't know how to approach the subject. Thanks for listening.
God Bless and thanks to all the troops who have served or are serving.
grandparent
I am the Grandmother of a wonderful grandson who just left for Afghanistan. I am so scared and worried about him...he is 24yrs. old and from what I hear a good soldier who chose to do this, his mother and I asked him not too..I don`t know how I`ll be able to handle this I`m 61 live alone still work one of my major pastimes is watching the news now I know it`s going to be hard to do now...thank you for your time...
Grandparent
I too am a news junkie (local and headline news, CNN, HLN, etc.)and when my two family members and a friend deployed they told the family do not watch the news (one said the news does not show the good and improvements, the other ones said "Stop watching"!) Easier said than done. I did not watch to much the first few weeks maybe month and then I incorporated it a little at a time. I would turn on CNN and go cook dinner in the other room. I could hear it but was not sitting in front of the TV. All of my family has been to Iraq, my Supervisors nephew went to Afghanistan.
Also I know this will not be of help too you, but sign him up or have him sign up to receive care packages. It might help his deployment. Alot of troops find it helpful ( that might not be the right word) to receive things and letters of support from far away home and strangers who support them. A couple good ones are Adopt a Soldier, Soldiers Angels, Any Soldier.com, type in your search engine care packages for troops or soldiers and alot of them will pop up or you could put his address on here and let us send him stuff too.
I am preparing for my youngest son to join and though I beam with pride, I am terrified. I have a huge military family and it is tradition, but it does not make it easier!
Pass this site onto your family members, some come to answer questions, some come to vent, some come for support. There are veterans who visit this part of it too to offer words of encouragement, support, and tell their story. Its nice I wish I would have found this site when the first one deployed. We were a bad train wreck!
God Bless you and your family.
PTSD wife
The day he came back from Iraq i knew it wouldnt be the same,I saw a man whos soul was gone, teh man I fell in love with was gone.We had a long way ahead of us,I had to be strong for the both of us and our Son.I was not prepared for such an out come of the is war.
Family Member
I apologize now for the lengthy novel.
I am a family member of a long line of Military men, covering each branch with the exception of the Air Force. I am a nurse who has known all my life I would become a Vet nurse because of the lack of respect shown to our Veterans. Not to mention the lack of respect and treatment my Grandfather (Army WWII) received at our local VA. I was encouraged by my Grandfather that one voice could make a change and I could and would make a difference. Sure enough I have grown up, became a nurse, interviewed for a job with the VA and while I was going through the pre physical part (blood work, EKG,etc) I realized the staff would eat me alive. They treated the Veterans I was sitting with terribly! I don't care how understaffed you are, have some compassion! If it was not for that Vet your treating terribly YOU would have no job! I cried for hours. I felt like a failure, I could not become one of them! I wear my heart on my sleeve according to my uncle (Army, Vietnam era). I believe everything I have to be greatful for in my life is because a Veteran unselfishly gave. I would hug each and every Vet if I could. Hugged a couple over the Memorial Day weekend.
My one cousin is a Sgt with the Army (he's 29) had a bad way to go on his return home, hes an Iraq Vet. He didn't tell us what his job was until he was on a plane and off US soil. After he got back we all went through some scary moments. PTSD.
I went back to school to get a Degree in Behavior Science Majoring in Psychology and Minoring in Sociology to hopefully help those coming home struggling with PTSD. I think I had a touch of it coming out of Nursing school. I am positive nothing like a Veteran would experience but I know it was something.
The youngest cousin, a Marine (21) just got back. I have only got to talk to, have not seen him yet. I kinda want to check him over like a new baby, count his toes and fingers to make sure he's okay. (I promise this would not be okay by him) The first and last phone call I got from him was on Veterans Day 2008 and apparently I did not believe he actually left the Air Force base he was stationed at in Iraq and when he told me other wise, I was probably not as emotionally strong as I should have been :) or maybe that he needed me to be :) We emailed alot and the phone calls went through his sister :) Well he did call maybe twice when he needed cigarettes and he did not want his sister to know he was still smoking. Cannot believe he trusted me to get that right, the first one that was Deployed I sent the wrong tobacco for 6 months and he never said a word. God Love Him, his wife pointed it out to me HA HA HA! He called me once in the middle of the night 0230 ish and when I looked at the caller ID it was like from Virginia and I thought the youngest and his friend had went out and got in trouble! He said "are you awake?" and of course like an idiot I said yes like I had been up studying or something! I was not awake! and I thank GOD we had gotten to know one of the youngest one's Marine friends. Anytime I was having a "Moment" I was able to call his friend day or night and since he had already been through his first tour he was able to talk to me and help me through a couple trying times. Sometimes I just needed to cry I guess. In away I think it helped him too. That does sound a little Co dependant, but all of our Mothers have passed away, so we just kind of have each other. The oldest one's Mom passed a couple years before he deployed and sadly the youngest was ten when his Mom passed, his Mom would be so Proud of him! My Mom passed 4 years ago. We (the girls) told ourselves our Mothers watched over them and brought them back home. We are each others support system and it worked for us.
As I write this I have a 16 year old son I believe is going to follow in his foot steps and join the Marines. He really looks up to those two young men. I am Proud and terrified at the same time. We are looking into him getting ready for his Asveb. My daughter is talking Air Force to get the one branch of the service we are lacking. I must say I am not that nervous about her joining (I have time to prepare for her) but am really having some heart moments about the youngest son. I wish they had a mentor they could talk to about it. Not just the Recruiter. My cousins of course they are close to him and they will talk, but someone who has been where he is trying to go. My Dad (Navy) and his best friend enlisted in the Vietnam era and those recruiters promised them they would go through boot camp together etc and they split them up ASAP. Childhood friends, one did not come back.
I am trying to find a way to help out in the Mid West. I know there are Veterans here in the Mid West. I am proud I have found this site. I have passed it on to everyone. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
THANKS TO ALL THE VETERAN'S WHO HAVE BLESSED MY LIFE !
If anyone has any suggestions on where to go or how to help, please post through this site or ask for my email. Any positive advice from other Mothers or advice from a Veteran him or herself appreciated too.
GOD BLESS,
Cathie
Son in Iraq
2nd deployment, 1st was April 2003. alot different now most of it better. still hard on our family when a son leaves home at 18 and spends the next 2.5 years out of 6 "growing up" in iraq. The USO and his army family 172nd Support Battalion take care of one another as much as possible. I wish the sergeants and corporals wouldn't be *** holes to the their soldiers and treat them with respect like they command.
i totally agree
my fiance is on his fifth tour...and it never gets easier. still brakes my heart every time...but what sticks out in my mind about what you said is commanders giving respect. i whole heartedly agree. these soldiers put it all on the line. and half the battle is not even fought overseas. it's coming home and fitting back in. this things affects them and their families for such a long time...some never make it back to their true selves. the most that these people can do is give them the respect that they so obviously deserve. no matter their age or rank.god bless you and your son
5th tour
Hard to believe they have our soldiers go back for a 5th tour!!!!!!!! I firmly believe we should reinstate the draft . Lets clean out the jails too. There is a lack of respect in the attitude of lots of Americans. I believe that we can pass the torch with showing respect and gratitude to our vets. People have to be educated thru us who have veterans that have served. We need to "pass the torch".Heres my email if you would like it:vickster195@yahoo.com
My fiancee is currently on
My fiancee is currently on his fifth tour as well, not to mention countless others before that. He has been a Marine for over 23 years. My heart goes out to you. I wish I had some words of comfort for you, but honestly, I dont even have any for myself. It does not get easier, initally they told him it would only be 3 months and they needed people in his field, so he volunteered and he is still there, he left at the end of Jan. I felt some comfort in that the deployment max was lowered to 13 months during the Bush administration, but now it's been extended from 13 to 15 and now 18...and the they are talking about 24 months, but that is not written in stone. Well, to make a long story short, then finally said they would release him at the end of this month (July 27th), but now they are saying them may still need him. This makes it so difficult b/c you are just left hanging...so in addition to worrying about his safety, you drive yourself nuts wondering when they will release him. Some days are easier than others, but no day is ever really good I dont think it will be till he gets home safe. I hope things get easier for you and that he stays safe. Send me a message anytime :)
PTSD Mom
I am sad and whining today. Life as I knew it will never be the same. The pain that surrounds my marine veteran son is palpable. I miss his smile and the laughter in his eyes. I pray and hope and plead daily to try to keep him connected. His nightmares have come back and he twists and turns in his sleep. The smiling boy who left is now a tortured man. I am helpless. We can no longer sit at the family table together for meals because he is so nervous that he can't stand to hear other people chew. If he was a child, I could make him get help. As he is an adult, I can only advise and beg. I wish there was a magic formula to make everything ok, but I know there's not an answer. His dreams and hopes have vanished. So have mine. I pray for some joy and peace for him. I have had to learn to love a person that I don't know and sometimes don't like very much. The saddest part is that I have found a way to love him but he doesn't love himself anymore. Thank you for listening to my pain.
Me too
Dear Tcnmaria,
My son is in the same situation. My heart is so broken for him I don't even know what to say, except I realize that you know. His eyes are so empty sometimes. That says it all. My prayers are with your family. Every word you said so eloquently is my story as well. I have looked for so long for somebody to talk to about this and today I heard about this web site on the radio. I am grateful for that.
Take care.
I am sorry about your son. I
I am sorry about your son. I wish I had that magic formula to make everything okay. I dont even know what to say, I cant imagine how difficult this is for you. I hope God is with you and your son and that gradually things get better. Thank him for his service. God Bless both of you!
sigh...
my heart brakes for you and your son...and your testimony makes me realise that the battle is not fought overseas with guns and bombs..but at home when a mother,father ,son, daughter stuggles to hold on to the shell that was once a loved one. i love you all and i pray that i can only be as strong as you guys are when i finally welcome home my hero...my fiance. god bless
PTSD MOM
PTSD MOM,
I pray for you and your son. Reading your post brings tears to my eyes. You did not mention how old your son is. Not that it matters, just referencing. Do you live close to a place that would offer like a support group for either him or yourself? I live in the mid west, heck I don't even know such places exists but I know for sure they should! Not just in the VA system. My cousin came back almost 2 years ago from Iraq and we really had a go of it. He has improved alot! But we were terrified for awhile. And by that I mean we did not know how to help him.
I humbly Thank you and your son for his service. I hope things will get better for him and you! and your pain will someday turn to joy again. And I pray for him to have peace in his life again.
God Bless you and yours,
With Respect,
Where on the west coast are you?
I know that this might seem really personal of me to ask but what type of injury does your husband have and where are you located? My husband was injured 12/07 and we were in California at the time. The VA hospital in Palo Alto is an amazing hospital and the staff is amazing as well. He was there from March 08 - August 08 & I never felt that his care was anything below exceptional. If you live more than 50 miles away from the facility, they have a Fisher House there where you stay for free. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. :)
Very hard and stressful situation
My husband has deployed to Iraq three times - all before his four year mark. Three months after he came home from his third tour, he was in a car accident with a very good friend of our's (he had deployed with my husband). Our friend died on scene and my husband was given a 35% of ever waking up again. He has a closed head injury. He currently can stand with the help of a sling, can feed himself (it takes a while), and he is trying to talk (he had a trach in so there is still a hole where it used to be). He is still in inpatient care. When he was in the hospital in Palo Alto, I felt that there was available to me as far as guidance. Here, I don't see it as much. In fact, there are things that I have had to figure out by myself because the hospital cannot give me the correct information. Even the social worker has no idea how to broach certain things and needs me to figure them out.
My husband just recently came
My husband just recently came back from Afghanistan. Within a month of his getting back there were multiple suicides at his post, including a man whose life he had saved in Afghanistan multiple times. He is having a very hard time processing that and adjusting to life in the States again.
An unusual situation... make it home form Iraq only to
My son is dealing with a unique situation, well at least I hope that it is unique. He served twice in Iraq with a young man who was killed in a car wreck here in the USA, going back to base after Easter leave. my son is having a time dealing with it. Keeps saying well it makes no sense. If we lost him over there it would be sad but at least it would make some sense. He can't get his head around him making it through two tours there only to lose him here in the states. Any ideas how to talk with him about it?
VPM Mom of a Marine
Hope
My son has been deployed three times to Iraq. He made it through. However, he is not the same. He has anger issues and is not the same person to be around. He has many outburst of very hurtful comments. I don't understand why he has not been able to see a doctor. He has ask and said if he ask again he will be taken off the path to promotion. So he gave up asking. He is losing his wife and son and to tell the truth it isn't that easy to be around him these days. What happened over there? Was it like 'nam.?
Hope
I feel your pain. I wish that I had kind words that are full of hope and joy that would lighten your heart, but I have any. What happened over there was bad, really bad and our children will not forget. People don't really want to know what these young people have seen and gone through. Civilians can't deal with the ugliness of war any better than our children. Our children need to forgive themselves for the atrocities of war if they are ever to move on.
Please help your son accept help now if he will. It only gets worse when they get out. Rightly or wrongly, these young men have been reprogrammed to trust only their fellow soldiers. They have been cut off from their family and friends. The military encourages this break with family and friends and includes the letters they have them write in case they die while they are gone. They have to live their death before they even leave the country.
The family and friends of these yound people went on with their lives while they were gone and things changed. They missed the weddings, the births, and the deaths that bring people together. They no longer feel like they fit in and they are angry about everything. Their accomplishments aren't the accomplishments that they can talk about at dinner. Can you imagine your son sitting at dinner with a friend who is telling him about how excited he is to be graduating from college and the great job they are getting. Then your son starts telling his "friend" how many enemy combatants he took out and how many IED's exploded around them that he successfully dodged, and how he unsuccessfully did CPR on his bloody and dying friends.
War doesn't clean up well for civilized society. The people who cheered for them in "support of the troups" run for the hills when they actually hear about what really happens in war. When a parent hears that a young man with PTSD is dating their daughter, they do things like ask him how he knows they won't kill her like the guy on the news did. People can be cruel and stupid. (Do the parents and friends of wives do this too?) They really don't seem to understand that these young men are much more likely to kill themselves than to kill someone else. These young men don't love themselves anymore and they have already accepted that they are going to die. The knowledge that my son thinks about taking his life frequently pains me more than words can express. The only people left at the end of the day for these young soldiers are their fellow soldiers (maybe) and the people who love them enough to tolerate their anger and to learn to love them again.
I did some calculations that helped me to put my son's life into perspective. My son is almost 24. He was in the Marines from the time he was 18 until he was 22. That would be almost 25% of his lifetime, almost 75% of his adult life. I don't know how long it takes to reprogram yourself after war. Will it take 4 years, 8 years, 12 years to build up enough good adult memories to overshadow the bad ones? I don't know yet. I pray every day, I live in fear every day, and I share my son's pain every day. I live in the hope that time will heal all wounds.
I listen to all these stories
I listen to all these stories and they pain me so much. My finacee is on his fifth tour, he has been a Marine since he was 17 and he is now 40...a little ofver 23 years. His tour started as 3 months back at the end of Jan. They are suppose to release him now at the end of July, but they are saying they may need him longer and the Obama administration changed the max stay time from 13 months back to 18 and possibly 24. My life is just not the same, it does not get easier...at least for me it does not. What you said about about people making comments about him hurting others. I get that and it makes me so angry, they do not understand him and that I know my Marines would not ever lay a hand on me and hurt me, they have no clue.
I am sorry about your son, I know everyone reacts differently, depends what their job is, their personality, what they see and experience. I dont know. I wish I had answers for everyone, including myself. Hang in there and I do hope time will make things better for him and that maybe someone will come into his life can change it for the better. May God bless you both.
All my respect.
I am from a family with quite
I am from a family with quite a bit of military activity. My grandfather was a lt. col in the Air Force and served in both Korea and Vietnam. My father was a major in the Air Force and served in the first Gulf War. There are other various family members who served as well that I am not as close to.
I have also been dating an amazing man who served in Iraq 2003-2004 in the National Guard. I am incredibly proud of him for serving our country, but I know exactly how babygirl68 feels. I love him, I truly do, but it gets exhausting sometimes when you put so much effort into a relationship and trying to understand him and they just seem to disappear for several days. He has PTSD and mild TBI. He was self-medicating for the PTSD (which had to stop) and is now in treatment with the VA (Legal? Yes. Better? I'm not so sure). I also understand everyone's complaints about how the VA handles its patients. They put him on Prozac (he isn't necessarily depressed, but has anxiety and sleeping problems) and he didn't really like it. He told his therapist this and so she upped his dose. This turned him into a zombie; took away his personality, his emotions, even lowered his energy. True, he no longer has very much anxiety, but neither does he seem to have any other emotions. We both went and told his therapist this so what is the solution? Even higher doses. He has bottles of anti-depressants and sleeping pills with more arriving all the time.
I love him so much and want so badly to do anything I can to help him. I have read the literature, spent hours online searching for resources, put tons of time and effort into him but I feel like very little progress is being made. Aside from dispensing more and more drugs what does the VA do? If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions or would just like to write me my e-mail is deceptivealibi@hotmail.com. I love our troops but it's appalling how they just get dumped back stateside. I am so grateful for what they do!
Reply
I am new to this site but I related to your post (and so many others) so much I had to reply. I was dating an amazing guy who served in Iraq in 2003-2004 and came back with PTSD. The VA put him on Prozac a few months ago and he became a zombie. Our relationship has fallen apart and we just separated last week and I am devastated and I don't know how to help him. He also been dealing with being out of work and other major life stresses. He withdraws, shuts down, is silent, has so much anxiety and wants to be alone. I try to tell him everyday that I am here for him, I love him and I always support him, but he seems trapped in some far away place. I am so incredibly proud of his service and who he is as a person. He deals with things everyday that I (and 99% of the people I know) can't possibly imagine. Readjusting to civilian life is not something that happens overnight. It can take a long time!
I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can do is relate my experience. I am praying that my boyfriend and I can find our way back to each other. I love him and support him and tell him that as much as I can.
If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions, or just wants to talk, please email me at oceanofplums@yahoo.com.
Bless you all and our troops and veterans!
I read down to Annettes post
I read down to Annettes post and like she said you have to become his advocate because there might be times he cannot advocate for himself. Upping prozac doses...Does he have the right to switch Therapist? Might ask to get assigned to someone else's work load. When my cousin came back and they "debriefed" him, someone at the VA asked him if he had nightmares and of course he told them he did and he called me freaking out (not just for that) that the VA was going to treat him for depression and he was now "crazy." Which he was not depressed nor crazy, having nightmares did not make him depressed or crazy! Sleep deprived yes. He did have PTSD. Anyway I told him to talk to his wife, tell her as much as he comfortably could so she could document it and when the time came for she and I to advocate for him we would have our ducks at least in the pond.
Just curious, have they tried him on any meds that might not turn into a zombie? Or has it been Prozac since he got home? By all means do your research. ADVOCATE for him! Ask if the anti depressants and sleeping pills interact in any way with one another.
God Bless you and yours!
Your his Angel
Still struggling
AllieMac I know what you are going through this weekend has been terrible for us. His brother came back on a leave from overseas and they have spent the weekend together. They have went out target practicing twice and I know what that does to his PTSD. He started gettting withdrawan yesterday and today I have not even heard from him at all. I am trying to be strong and leave him alone and hope that he comes out of it and contacts me. He has alot of family around him this weekend so I am not real worried about him doing anything bad. I just don't understand why he is shutting me out. I want to be there to help him through it but, I have learnt that if I push him it makes him more distant and his mood alot worse. So I am just leaving him alone in hopes that he will contact me and we can talk. I have also done alot of research on PTSD and TBI and the last time we were to the VA they up his meds again and he is not a zombie but, he has changed alot he is more withdrawn and wants to sleep all the time. I am at a loss as what to do. I love this man and am very proud of him but, the way he withdrawls and will not contact me hurts so bad. He has an appointment this week at the VA I hope to go with him but, I am not sure if he will ask me to go since he has shut me out once again.
Hey Alliemac;
It is hard to
Hey Alliemac;
It is hard to sit and watch the ones we love so much hurt, and feel so helpless. We go to the Vet Center every week and have been since 2006. The VA has changed my husband's meds so many times that I can't count them. He became so aggressive and anger that they had to take him off of some meds. I understand your feelings. You don't want him to be a zombie but you don't want him to be so emotionally detached either. So what do you do???? I keep trying, and hopefully things will settle down. We do things for relaxation and at the Vet Center, they allow me to be counseled as well so I can vent, cry and talk about what it is like for me. My advice as the VA is concerned is become his advocate. I would write down in a log, his moods, his words and his behavior while on such a medication and then at the doctor's appt, I would take it and show it to the doctor. I would explain how he reacted to certain situations and then ask them to explain it to me. I have found that being aware and alert to changes allows me to be a witness and that will help my husband. I monitor him but sometimes without him actually knowing it. He is unaware of the changes and this allows me to help the doctor understand his mood swings and his trigger points.Don't allow him to keep taking the meds without saying something. If I can help feel free to ask sweetcarolinagirl66@yahoo.com
military service
My father served in occupied Germany, Korea ,& Vietnam. He passed away Sept. 14 2008.He retired after 25 yr.s of service. He was a father of four a husband to one woman my mother for 56 yr.s and a grandfather and great grandfather. He is missed dearly by all. Being born in Germany while my father served over there and then returning years later I allways felt fortunate for those experiences of living in different places. The one thing I allways found, was that living on military base's was like having a big extended family we all looked out for each other. Toward the end of his career he was in charge of seperation's, debriefing returning Vietnam Vets. He would invite young soldiers to our home for dinner usually around the holidays that had just returned awaiting new orders. I was only 12 at the time but I still remember the look of sadness on they'er face's I remember thinking what horrors they must have expierenced thier eye's looked so empty. I remember the protestors that stayed outside the main gate that would yell and spit at them. It's a shamefull part of our history they deserved much better. Wether you support the war or not you should allway's support the men and women in the military they are doing a job that is hard, to say the least. The families of these people lose many months of time without them that they cant get back. Some will never see thier loved one again. I can only say Thank You with all my heart and may your god allways be looking out for you and keep you safe. I hope someday war won't exsist, but while it doe's I'm glad I have the brave service men and women keeping this land free and safe. I love and thank you all. God Bless You.
Hi there,
My mother served in
Hi there,
My mother served in Iraq from 2005-6 and is currently in Afghanistan (as a civilian, she retired from the military a couple of months ago) helping train the Afghan National Guard. I am also proud of her and of all of our men and women overseas.
It's strange being apart from the ones you love; you move on with life, dealing with day to day tasks and even going through major milestones such as high school graduation and college applications (when my mother was in Iraq I was a senior in high school). Yet in the back of your mind you wonder what it's like over there, to be on the ground, getting used to the sound of bombs going off in the distance. My mother has not told me too much of her experiences in Iraq though she scribbled in a journal entry every day. We've been busy moving on with life; college, work, little emergencies that pop up, you name it. So she's in Afghanistan now, and at the same time I have been studying abroad in Ireland. She comes back in September, I return in June. So that's how it works, we move on, talk at intervals, it's almost like a river and we're in a paddle boat. We chug along, each paddle stroke like a day in the life. If the current changes then we adapt to it, if we spy a rock ahead then we swerve to avoid it, but if the rock is lying low beneath the ebb and flow of the waves and we hit it...well...but fortunately there are other people in that same river willing to lend out a helping hand. That is how we got through it, and we'll get through it again.
TextForTroops.com
Hi Everyone....
Approx 2 years ago, I developed a website called “TextForTroops.com” which allows any soldier with an internet connection to send emails directly to the cell phones of their loved ones back home.
I created this site because my sister-in-law had a loved one in Iraq who she wished she could keep closer contact with.
Last night, I saw Paul Reichoff on the Colbert Report, and was very moved by the goal of the organization.
I am wondering if it may be a good idea to offer this site to all soldiers so they know they have this resource if they want it while they are overseas.
The site is very basic – but I can spruce it up if necessary.
Thanks!
Aaron
I have a son in Afghanistan
I am the mother of 4 - 3 daughters, 1 son. My son is currently serving in Afghanistan, and like you, I'm so VERY proud of him! I know what you mean about not being able to spend your birthday together with your brothers. This past year was the first time I didn't have all 4 of my children together for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We were fortunate in that his mid-tour leave was during his birthday, so we were able to celebrate that together.
I guess one of my coping mechanisms is that I joined the Army vFRG and receive emails keeping us somewhat updated. I also started forwarding a lot of the updates and emails from my son to family members. Being a part of a group of people like that makes you not feel so alone. Also, the care packages that I send help to make me feel like I am DOING something productive while he's away.
Other, than that, I know that I am a different person since he deployed. I don't have anyone that I can REALLY talk to about this. It upsets my parents so much that he's over there that I filter information that I share with them. I know they have support groups for the spouses who live near the base, but what about the rest of us?
Feel free to share your concerns on here. I just heard about this site last week and just joined today. I'm also hoping to be able to communicate with others and maybe not feel so alone.
Free handouts for families
Please go to http://www.patiencepress.com and download the article Home from War. Then go to http://patiencepress.com/store-freestuff.html and download or at least read PTG #1 and 2, PTSD and Holidays, On Killing, etc. These will really help you understand what is happening and will give you a better understanding of PTSD than most health care professionals have.
I am the wife of a Vietnam vet who came home with PTSD when it didn't have a name and wasn't supposed to exist. I knew him before so I started looking for what needs the various symptoms met, and how they developed, instead of looking at him as screwed up. Each symptom starts out as a survivla skill built into us all.
He lived through stuff that killed others and I am glad. It is my bottom line. Life doesn't go back to pre war, pre PTSD times, but it can be good, and there are reasons they are sometimes angry and unable to concentrate on everyday things and don't expect to live long...It is a reality we have never had to face and just because they volunteered for it does not make it any less traumatic.
I am going to be giving a talk on Recovering from the War in Melbourne FL on Saturday, April 25th at 3:30 and on Sunday, April 26th at 10:30. It's part of the 22nd Annual Vietnam and All Veterans Reunion at Wickham Park. My talk will be over by the traveling Wall, where Vietnam Veterans of Brevard also have a memorial to the new vets. I will have lots of free handouts, books, etc. Hope to see some of you there.
New to PTSD and TBI
I recently started seeing a very wonderful man that served in Iraq 3 years ago . He has PTSD and TBI and I have never delt with either of these before and want to help him. I have questions about things that he does and how I can help him. He is very sweet and a true gentleman to me but, sometimes he withdrawls and will not have contact with me for a couple days then when he does contact me it is like nothing has happened. I love him but, this hurts as I worry about him plus I didn't do anything to deserve to be shut out. I am learning not to take it personal but, it still worries me and stings. He aslo is very tired all the time. We can be talking on the phone at 8:30 pm and he will drift off to sleep. We can have plans to go somewhere at 9 pm and he will fall asleep. He also is a very deep sleeper and is very hard to wake up once he gets to sleep. He does have nightmares once in awhile but, as far as I know he has called me to help him through those. I remind him every so often that my phone is on all the time if he needs anything. He also goes through phases when he can't tell me enough how much he loves me and how much I mean to him then he may not tell me he loves me for a couple days.
PTSD and TBI
Dear babygirl68 - The thing that will help you both the most is information! The VA Hospital or better (and easier to navigate) would be the local Vet Center. They have lots of information about both PTSD and TBI. Each vet experiences a unique range of symptomolgy depending on his precise type of brain injury and PTSD traumas. But these counsellors can help so much - both you and him. The more you learn about his conditions the more you can help both him and yourself - because it isn't easy to be the significant other of a PTSD vet.
I have been married to a Vietnam Vet for 30 yrs. who is 100% disabled with PTSD. It isn't an easy road but so, so very worthwhile! I have a willling ear if you have questions or want to vent!
Family and friend of many vets
Hi there. I'm the niece of several vets and granddaughter to 2 others. I'm also a friend of a couple vets. My heart goes out to each and every one, and their family members. We are our vets best hope in helping themselves.
I am disabled (have been since birth as a result of Cerebral Palsy). I also, unfortunately have PTSD as a result of past marital abuse. I am here because I want to help. Our service men and women are like my extended family, it feels like.
We can all help one another, and the vets that we love.
Best,
Jessica
Mental Issues
My fiance is an iraq vet. He has done 2 tours and now he is a 100 percent disabilited. He has been going to the VA in Philadelphia. They have him going to group therapy and on medication. He went a couple of time but hasn't gone back in awhile. He has these days where he doesn't want to talk to anyone, I am trying to be supportive but, I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any tips to help?
Tips to Help
Dear christingr -
it can take months to get the medication just right and perhaps the theray group wasn't quite his cup of tea. One thing that will help you is information!. Check out the VA website for info on PTSD symptoms plus look for a local Vet Center. These centers have counselors, groups and better yet individual counseling. Best of all they have lots of information - not just for your fiance but for you too. Tips on how to help him, how to start conversations about his symptoms, how to deal with your own stress. And lets face it, it is very stressful trying to love a vet and cope with their injuries, seen and unseen.
I am the wife of a 100% PTSD disabled Vietnam Vet (there are other medical issues as well but that's the hardest to cope with). It has made a huge difference to us both to have the Vet Centers help.
Always have a willing ear for questions or venting! I have just found this site but plan to check in daily. You aren't alone out there - there is happiness after PTSD, honest!
Hello. Has a family member of yours served in Iraq or Afghanistan? Or have one of your friends served? Many of my friends and family members have served. And I am so proud of them! I hope to use this site to really understand how to communicate with them about their experiences.