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Im looking for any coping techniques to help my husband deal with his PTSD. Sounds like we're in a similar boat, age-wise, married with no children and looking for answers.
Heres a little background on info on us...My husband served with the USMC back in 2000-2004 who has been in several combat situations and luckily, he was out of the USMC by time we got together, so I didnt know the "other" side of him. Soon after dating his PTSD symptoms seemed to get worse, so I finally convinced him to actually get diagnosed and get in the VA computer system just in case anything were to arrise. He was diagnosed with 40% disabled PTSD...just to give you an idea as to what were faced against! The VA in Washington has done little for him, and just told him to contact them if he needed to talk!!!!!!!!!!!
So here we are now...still dealing with the reoccurring flashbacks, the endless guilt, uncontrollable sobing episodes, awful night sweats, frequent bed wetting, and horrific nightmares.. just to name a few. In saying all this, he is very motivated when it comes to his job, which Im very thankful for!!! He has a great job and has been moving up the ladder very quickly for his age. Yet there's a different side of him that is rarely seen, and thats only by me!!! He recently broke down a couple of days ago, and yes he was drunk, and just sobbed for over 2 hrs. To be honest, I didnt know what to do--other than to just listen. My heart just aches for him and no idea what to do. We have now moved back to IN and I have since talked to the VA hospital and hopefully they should be setting up some therapy sessions for him. But in the meantime, I dont know what to do if this happens again?!!? They told me to take him to the ER and have him admitted...but to me this just seems crazy! The people in ER are not trained to deal with an irrational war vet, but then neither am I!!
I do have some very close friends that just lend a listening ear when I tell them whats going on..and Im extremely thankful for them!!!! On the flip side, we have also lost many friends because they just dont understand whats going on or how to deal with certain situations etc. Luckily, I also can depend on my mother-in-law who has had to deal with a ## of issues in regards to my father-in-law, who is a Vietnam Vet, 100% disabled. Im so glad I have these people in my life, yet I would like to hear what other suggestions are out there and how you yourself deal with everything!
On a side note, what a battle the VA is...and the ## of hoops you have to jump thru just to get help!!! Hello people----these people served our country and now its about time they take care of them!
EMDR for PTSD
Treatment is available. Check out www.emdr.com and www.emdria.org. There are therapists in the Army (mostly chaplains) and in the USMC (they are doing MUCH better now!) Try the local vet center and ask what they have available.
Julie Reynolds
SGT, TXARNG
jreynolds581@gmail.com
I am also in my mid 20s,
I am also in my mid 20s, married to a National Guard Soldier, and have no children yet. My husband was deployed to Iraq before I met him, in fact we met the month after he returned. He is suffering from PTSD and refuses and professional help. Mostly he has trouble sleeping, nightmares, and gets frustrated very easily. I guess in a way it might be "easier" since this is how he was when we met, I didn't know his "other" personality that I hear about from his family. But still, some days are difficult. I am trying so hard to be a supportive wife and help him deal with things. Trying to search for more info on PTSD and other wives to talk to.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN.MY MARRIAGE
I FEEL YOUR PAIN.MY MARRIAGE IS ENDING BECAUSE MY HUSBAND CAME HOME FROM THE WAR HAVING PROBLEMS SLEEPING,AND ANGRY,SO I PLEADED WITH MY HUSBAND TO GO GET HELP,HE SAID IT WAS ME.THAN WE WENT TO COUNSELING 3 TIMES HE STOP GOING. TOLD ME I'M GOING TO DO THINGS HIS WAY,BECAUSE I LOVE MY HUSBAND I SAID OK.MY HUSBAND TOLD ME EVERYTHING WAS FINE IN OUR MARRIAGE BECAUSE I'M DOING THINGS HE LIKES,AND HIS WAY.WE MADE LOVE, THAN WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GOING AWAY ON A CRUISE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY IN 5 MONTHS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO HAVE A REAL HONEYMOON WITH HIS DEPLOYMENTS,TRAINING ETC.THE NEXT DAY HE CALLED ME AT WORK TOLD ME DON'T LET THE PEOPLE ON MY JOB UPSET ME THAN TOLD ME HE LOVES ME AND HE WILL SEE ME WHEN HE GETS HOME FROM WORK.LATER THAT AFTERNOON HE CALLED ME TELLING ME HE NEEDED TO TALK TO ME,I NEEDED TO COME HOME,SO I JUMP IN MY CAR DRIVING AND TALKING TO MY HUSBAND WHEN I WAS HALFWAY HOME MY HUSBAND TOLD ME HE WASN'T THERE HE MOVED OUT OF OUR HOME WHILE I WAS AT WORK.THAN I ASKED MY HUSBAND TO COME TO THE HOUSE SO WE CAN TALK HE SAID HE WAS OUT OF TOWN.FAMILY AND FRIENDS TURNED THEIR BACK ON MY HUSBAND I WAS ALWAYS FAITHFUL TO MY HUSBAND STANDING BY HIS SIDE THROUGH DEPLOYMENTS,SCHOOL,TRAINING ETC..AND NOW I'M AN EMOTIONALLY MESS BECAUSE I LOVED MY HUSBAND AND TRIED TO HELP HIM WHEN NO ONE WOULD HELP HIM.MILITARY SAID UNLESS HE COMES TO US IT'S NOTHING THEY CAN DO.MILITARY SOLDIERS WILL PUT LABELS ON OTHERS WHO ARE HAVING TROUBLES WITH PTSD,MENTAL ILLNESS,TBI OR SOMEONE WHO JUST NEEDS TO TALK ABOUT THEIR FEELING THEY CALL THEM CRY BABY,SO MANY SOLDIERS DON'T SEEK HELP FOR THEIR ILLNESS BECAUSE ON THIS STIGMA.I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOUR HUSBAND WASN'T STUBBORD LIKE MINES OR RESIST TREATMENT WHEN HE KNOWS HE NEED HELP.NEXT MONTH I GO TO COURT TO FACE MY HUSBAND ABOUT THIS DIVORCE,.MY HUSBAND SAID HE WAS SORRY FOR ABANDONING ME AND THE HOUSE.I CRIED FOR 2 YEARS STRAIGHT NOW I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE TEARS FOR HIM.I REALLY GAVE 100% INTO THIS TRYING TO GET HIM HELP NOW I NEED HELP TO DEAL WITH ME BECAUSE I'M PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINED.I THANK GOD EVERYDAY FOR KEEPING ME IN MY RIGHT MIND BECAUSE THIS ONE WAS HELL BECAUSE WE NEVER HAD THESE PROBLEMS BEFORE IN OUR MARRIAGE ONLY WHEN HE CAME HOME FROM THE WAR,SO NOW I'M THE ENEMY AND I HAVE BEEN IN A WAR WITH MY HUSBAND.THIS IS NOT A TYLER PERRY STORY THIS IS FOR REAL AND PEOPLE ARE NOT TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON WITH SOLIDER,AND THE IMPACT ON FAMILY WHEN THEIR LOVE ONES COME HOME.I'M NOT TRYING TO SAY I HATE MY HUSBAND I STILL LOVE HIM AND HE TELLS ME HE STILL LOVES ME I JUST HATE WHAT THE WAR HAS DONE TO THESE GOOD MEN AND WOMEN THESE ARE OUR LOVE ONES AND FRIENDS SO WE FIGHT FOR THEM BUT IF THEY CAN'T SEE WHAT WE ARE DOING THAN WE LOST A HOPELESS BATTLE,SO I HOPE MY STORY HELPS SOMEONE WHO IS DEALING WITH A SITATION TO COME FORWARD AND JUST RELEASE SOME PRESSURE BECAUSE HOLDING IT IN AND BEING ASHAME WILL NOT HELP YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS GET TIRED BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND SO THEY START RUNNING AWAY FROM YOU OR HIDING FROM YOU WHEN THEY SEE YOU COMING..
I Understand!!!!!!
My husband and I were married 18 yrs when he was deployed. His first deployment at that!!! We don't have any children, and we are both in our early 40's. So I understand what you ladies are dealing with. My husband was injured, July 6, 2005. He has a TBI, PTSD, and several othropedic issues that limit his mobility. We both changed during his deployment. I was a very shy, timid and homebody woman, and during his time away, being forced to take care of things, I actually grew up. I became empowered that I could do all the things I had to do. His injury sent me through me waves of emotions. People do not realize that not only the servicemember goes through the deployment and all the changes, but so does the loved ones left behind. I became very independent, and very mentally strong. I learned that I had to deal with life in life's terms which is not always as we would have it.
Dealing with the deployment, was hard, but the coming home and the injury and the recuperation was even harder, as I didn't know the pain and the turmoil that would follow. The mood swings, the anger and outbursts. The hostility toward me because I had the FREEDOM that hubby didn't have anymore. He had trouble with acceptance of himself with the injuries. We lost all of our friends because we were gone so long( we were at Walter Reed for 15 months, and then he spent 10 weeks in a Rehab for the TBI) . People didn't know what to say to us, and so they just backed off, and eventually just gave up. Family was all that came around and we lost most of them as they could not deal with the behavorial issues and outbursts and all the things that went with the injuries.
Life for us as we knew it, was over, and now we had this other life, that we didn't exactly know what to do with. I missed my old life and wanted it back, but I knew that I had to move on. Now almost 4 years into the recuperation I see that life will always be hard for us, but I know that if I reach out to others in the same situation as I, somehow I will survive. This journey has been extremely difficult and there have been times when I wanted to walk out. I told my husband the other day, during a discussion, that I understand why in certain situations, that marriages don't work out. You take life is not really fair at times, but them you compound that with injuries and 360 degree changes, along with all the emotional roller coaster changes, then you have a really bad situation.
I have tried to make this new life, an adventure.I had to accept that changes could be a rewarding experience and I have watched my husband through his eyes now, and those things that used to be so important, really aren;t that important. I have learned to take each day and embrace it. But most of all, I have learned to back off from letting the outburst and the emotional turmoil be so personal. That is my way of survival. I no longer have the man I married, I now have a different man, whom I am learning to love and get acquainted with. Every day brings about new battles, and every day offers new challenges, but whatever comes my way, I will take and pray for strength. Face the situation and hope that it will all work out. I hope this helps. Good luck and God Bless
Hi, I'm looking for women to talk to, sharing similar situations. I am in my mid-20's, married to a National Guard soldier, and we don't have any children yet. My husband deployed to Iraq shortly after our wedding. He was gone for 22 months, and has been back for over a year now. We both changed drastically during the deployment (ex. I graduated from college, he got PTSD and TBI). Since we were so young we were both still developing, and now that he has been home for over a year, we are just starting to realize how much everything affected our relationship. We grew apart and didn't really realize how far until a few months ago, when we hit rock bottom and were talking divorce.
My husband went to the VA right after he got home, and didn't get the help he needed. They said he had PTSD and TBI, gave him some pills, some therapy sessions and that didn't do anything (He got really frustrated with all the hoops the VA made him jump through, that he just sort of gave up on them). We just went on with our life, and things got really bad. We just didn't "get" eachother anymore, and we weren't giving eachother what we needed. After we hit bottom, I finally decided that we needed to see a civilian therapist, or else we were headed for divorce. We've been going to therapy for a few months now, and things are alot better (I can at least see a brighter future). Our therapist is experienced with PTSD and she has really helped me start to understand what my husband is going through and why he does the things he does. It is really hard to have a husband who forgets everything because of his TBI, and who is emotionally dead, can't sleep and lacks motivation due to the PTSD. We are having more good days, but I still need help to get through the days when it feels hopeless to be married to a man who is so changed by war.
I don't have any friends who are going through anything like our relationship. The only other wives of Vets I know have children and I just don't connect with them, because their situation feels so much different, so I'm really hoping to find other young wives to swap stories/feelings/ideas etc. with.